I’ve taken a very long hiatus from blogging because I just didn’t feel like I had much to say, or much to add. I stopped counting macros about 2 years ago and since then have been off and on counting without success. I would stay on track for 2-3 days and then just say “eff it” and eat whatever I was in the mood for.
I tried intuitive eating, trying to let myself heal and improve my relationship with food to no avail. I gained about 20 lbs from when I was counting macros and stopped going to Crossfit. I lost all motivation for a “healthy living” lifestyle, which was so much a part of what I was, and was instead snacking on Oreos constantly and eating chocolate chips straight out of the bag. These are not my proudest moments.
Now I’ve come to a point in my life and my journey with fitness and health where I realized, that I truly didn’t even feel like myself. I didn’t feel like working out. I had no motivation to get out of bed and to the gym for a workout – Crossfit or not. I was so over bland food and trying to hit 150 grams of protein each day, and eating weird combinations of foods just to reach a set of numbers. I felt like my relationships with others were affected as well; I didn’t feel like going out with people or participating in activities. And when I would get there, I would feel so tired or unamused that I didn’t want to stay.
I wasn’t me.
So while on vacation, I brought up the idea of doing a round of Whole 30 with my family. A 30 day reset of nothing but 100% squeaky clean foods to see if it could improve my life, my energy, my happiness, and my relationship with food. Weight loss and body changes may be a by-product, but at this point, I was feeling just so not me that I knew I had to do something about it.
So my husband and I started our round of Whole 30 on Monday, two days ago. His joining in with me was more just for the companionship. To have someone else to keep me accountable and to go through the journey with me. At least that’s what he’s told me.
Now this is my second attempt at Whole 30. The last time I did it alone and I made it 7 or 8 days before I just stopped. This time I have the support of my husband and of a co-worker to help me stay on track when things get tough. But this brings me to my reasons of doing my second Whole 30.
I want to heal/improve my relationship with food.
After reading It Starts with Food, everything that was said about our psychological response to super processed and carb dense foods and then our body’s chemical and biological response to those processed foods we take in was like a slap in the face for me. I realized that I was feeling like shit but I never dug deeper into the physiological processes and reactions in my body that were causing me to feel that way. I knew I craved sweets and carbs late at night after dinner or when I got home from work, but I couldn’t figure out why. I just ate a huge nutritious dinner (usually protein, veggie and some starch) but then 20 minutes later I was hungry! And I was never hungry in the mornings, which would prolong my first meal until maybe 11 or 12. But now, there was a reason for all of this! A scientific reason.
So my goal here is to cut my cravings, improve my relationship with food, and enjoy the taste of natural and unprocessed foods.
I want to see how good or bad my body and mind can feel, just based on nutrition.
I may get to the end of my Whole 30 and say, “I feel like crap” or “I don’t feel any better than when I started,” and that’s fine…but compared to how I was feeling for the past few months, I can’t imagine I will feel much worse after a round of 100% unprocessed foods. I’ve read about tiger blood and super high energy levels and crazy good attention and focus and I want to see if I can achieve that. I want to see if my acne will clear up and if my digestion will improve. I want to see if my sleep gets better and I’m able to wake up with no problems and get right out of bed.
I want to treat food the way it’s always intended to be treated; as nourishment for the body.
I have eaten after stressful days in the ER, out of boredom, out of loneliness, or sadness. Now I want to use food the way nature intended – to fuel my body and to nourish it. And I want to use 100% unprocessed foods because I want to see how well it can nourish my body. I want to break the emotional bond I have with food but still enjoy the crazy amount of flavors natural foods can have.
I want to make natural foods taste delicious, naturally.
I know that sounds kinda weird but I want to try new recipes and new flavors. I want to get better at cooking and learning what my taste buds really like besides highly processed sugars. I want to cook more with my husband and expand our palate.
I want to lose weight.
Yeah, I threw that one in there as my final note. Some people start the Whole 30 with that goal in mind, which is fine. For me, I primarily want to feel better, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want to lose some weight. Like I said, I’ve put on about 20 lbs since stopping macro counting and while I’m not unhappy with my weight, I would like to lose some of that as I am more comfortable at about 10-15 lbs less than what I am now. But I don’t want to do it dieting. I want to just improve my relationship with food and eat what makes me feel good.
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So we started on Monday and are currently 2 days in. Each day I plan to do a little write up of what I ate (hopefully pictures included) as well as how I’m feeling. I wanted to give myself a few days so that I would have some time to write these feelings out.
At the end of this, hopefully I’ll be able to say that I’ve confidently achieved some of my goals for the Whole 30 and will look back at these in the tough days to remember why I’m doing this.