This post is brought to you buy the animal Goose:
We just walked 2 miles in the chillier Pittsburgh weather and I wore the little man out. He decided to come cuddle up to me just as I sat down to write a post.
And this was taken just as I was yelling at him to get off of the back of the couch. What a little devil.
Anyways, onto the real topic of this post. As soon as we came back from our wonderful honeymoon in St. Lucia, I pretty quickly headed into a state of depression and anxiety.
St. Lucia wonderful-ness.
I took almost 3 weeks off of vacation time for my wedding because I figured I had been working so much previously that I deserved the time off, and I did! So for 3 weeks I spent 24 hours with someone else. Whether it be my Mom, my sister, or Mike. I was surrounded by someone.
Also enter Goose, who came home the week before the wedding and did not sleep more than 2 hours at a time during the night. Luckily I had amazing family (my Mom, Dad, and sister) who came over to spend time with him. I was pretty exhausted in the days leading up to the wedding, but all made up for it on the Honeymoon. We slept 11-12 hours most nights, because we could! We aren’t huge partiers so we had one drink in the evening after dinner, hung out for a little, and then went to bed. Call us old but it was the best vacation ever!
As soon as we got back from the honeymoon, Mike headed back to work, as did the rest of the family. Alexis had been staying at my house an taking care of Goose everyday after work, and now she was gone. I had 3 days off before I went back to work, and spent 2 of those three days crying. I couldn’t exactly pin-point what I was sad about, but I was just so sad. Looking back, it was probably the fact that I was actually alone. There was no one to talk to, no one to hang out with, and no one to joke with. Everyone was at work, while I was at home with a misbehaving puppy. Disclaimer: All things are relative and Goose is probably the most well-behaved puppy I have ever come across. He’s still a puppy, and it was still stressful nonetheless.
After those few days off, I was back to work. I still woke up everyday and cried. On top of that, I wasn’t sleeping. A few days I got home from work around midnight and my brain would not stop working. I had so much anxiety built up about not sleeping, that I couldn’t turn it off. I finally slept for about 12 hours on Thanksgiving, after Mike woke up early to take care of Goose and keep him quiet while I slept.
The day after Thanksgiving I worked 4 overnights in a row. 9PM-6AM. If you’ve never worked an overnight shift in your life, consider yourself lucky. The whole schedule messes with your sleep and it completely sucks. I started on black Friday and attempted to sleep in the afternoon before my shift, which didn’t work. That overnight shift was the busiest overnight shift I’ve ever worked. I didn’t stop moving all night.
I came home Saturday morning and slept for 2 hours. I woke up and my brain again would not stop working. I didn’t sleep much more than that, and I cried to my Mom, sister, and Mike all day. Hit repeat x 3 and that’s what I did for the next 3 days. I was anxious about not getting enough sleep and being afraid that I wouldn’t survive my overnights without it that I prevented myself from sleeping at all. I bawled to Mike everyday saying “What is wrong with me, why can’t I just fall asleep??” I tried taking over the counter medicine, which as a health care provider I do not recommend at all because it further escalated my anxiety and loss of sleep.
Finally on the Monday after Thanksgiving, I went to my parents house after my overnight shift and slept. I worked until 2 AM Tuesday morning, came home, and slowly got back into the swing of sleeping.
Mike recently took a new job and now is working essentially 8-5. He wakes up at 5:30-6:00 to take Goose out and walk him in the morning. When Mike was getting up, I could not fall back asleep. My brain was still on and wouldn’t stop. Mike thankfully went to the store and bought me noise canceling ear plugs, which I have used ever since. I put them in at night and can only hear Goose occasionally if he’s crying really loud. I hear Mike’s alarm in the morning, but I don’t hear him take Goose out, feed him, or shower, even when the shower is less than 10 feet away from me! They really have been a life savor. Mike attempts to wake me up in the morning to kiss me goodbye, but sometimes he just can’t do it because I’m in too deep of a sleep and he doesn’t want to wake me up. That’s how good these ear plugs have been to me.
So I am happy to report that my sleep habits are almost back to normal, and I have not cried in I don’t know how many days. When I wasn’t sleeping and instead was crying all the time, I was reconsidering if I wanted to float anymore. I was thinking how nice it is to work 8-5, when Goose sleeps the whole night through, and I’d get evenings and weekends off. Now that I’m back in the swing of things and Goose is sleeping, I’ve realized that I don’t want 8-5, at least not right now. Even though I get stuck working some overnight shifts (like this upcoming weekend), I have other days (like today) where I start at 2PM and get half of the day off. I also have an awesome schedule where I get 3-4 days off a week. This week I work 6 in a row (by choice) but next week I have Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday off. WHERE ELSE CAN YOU GET A SCHEDULE LIKE THAT?! So 8-5 for me will still be a consideration, but definitely not anytime soon.
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I also recently talked to someone else who got married and she said she went through the exact same thing. She was crying for no reason immediately after her wedding and honeymoon. I have never heard this before, but I am glad that phase is over in my life!
For now I am going to listen to my little man snore, while he keeps my legs warm. One thing puppies are definitely good for: cuddling!!
Have a wonderful day everyone!
What a lazy butt!