Have you ever had the feeling that everything was exactly how it was supposed to be?
Last night, driving home from my 16 hour shift (which I got to leave early) as I was listening to this song…
I felt as though for the first time in my life, everything.was.perfect. And exactly how it should be.
I have finally become comfortably enough with myself and am absolutely loving the life I am living. And I attribute all of that to my family, my jobs, my friends, and my fiance.
Both of my jobs at McCandless and working in the Emergency Department have allowed me to become adjusted to meeting new people, doctors, and patient’s every.single.day and getting used to interacting with them. Let’s face it, as a floater I am basically expected to meet and encounter new nurses and physicians every shift. I honestly do not think that a shy and complacent person could function in this position. And I honestly feel that when I first started this position, I was a shy person. I actually got nervous when I went to new sites. Almost a year later I can finally say that I no longer am nervous going to new sites. I no longer have a hard time interrupting new physicians to ask questions or asking nurses to do things for me. I have finally become completely comfortable with myself in my position.
Sure there are things that I don’t know what to do about everyday because I’m still new and not quite sure of all of my medical knowledge, but I finally have the strength to know my limitations and ask for help without getting nervous. And I still absolutely love my full time job, which is a total plus.
As far as my job at McCandless goes, I have met some wonderful people who have made me realize that they honestly want the best for me, and are super willing to help with anything I may need. Whether it be wedding planning, a good friend to talk to, or comic relief. When I first started there, and stated my intentions of eventually going part-time, a number of people there jumped on the bandwagon and were pushing to speed up my training and to get me hired. And these were people that I barely knew. I have never met so many people so selfless and willing to help.
And aside from the co-workers, interacting with the patients is also one of the best and most rewarding tasks in EMS. When someone calls 911, you are the first thing they see when they are at their absolute worst. When they are feeling like absolute hell and need a comforting hand. That’s when we show up. And I am proud to say that I have had multiple patients say to me that I am so “positive” and that “you must be so much fun to work with.” Now when you can distract someone who is in so much pain or feeling so crappy with your attitude, now that is an accomplishment.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I am finally proud of what I am doing in my life. And I feel like when you’re proud of what you do, and others are continually giving you compliments on your attitude and work ethic, you know that your hard work is paying off and you can honestly say that you love the life you are living.
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And aside from my jobs, I am continually learning and fascinated by my family, friends, and fiance.
Just recently one of my friends needed my help and I am so glad that I could be there to help, providing a comfortably space for her to stay as well as supporting her emotionally through this tough time with all of my friends, including my Mom. My Mom and sister have always been supporting 100%, and I only hope that I can return to the favor. My sister and I are closer than we ever have been, and still occasionally get into little quarrels now and then, but we genuinely have fun together and even miss each other when we don’t spend at least 2 days a week with each other.
I am amazed at my fiance for being so welcoming to my friends and understanding, without question. I was also amazed at his want to constantly try new things. When I first thought about getting married, I always wanted someone who would constantly want to do fun things and try new things. The fact that when we went boating and he was encouraging me to try water skiing again and to jump off of the huge landing dock (as cliché as this may sound) made me fall in love with him all over again. I never want my life to be boring and mundane. In the next 5 years before we have kids, I want to do as many things as humanely and financially possible for the two of us. Travel to Europe, skydiving, take tropical and exotic vacations, and maybe even become involved in some type of medical mission work (yes, we’ve been tossing this idea around for a few years now). The idea of our marriage is so small in my mind now compared to what I dream for in the future, that I just can’t wait to become a Mrs.’.
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I guess the main point behind this post is this: Right now, right this very second, I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I absolutely love it.
I am not a hugely religions person, I don’t impose it on anyone else (heck Mike isn’t converting to Catholic for our wedding), and I attend church when I can with my Mom, but I do believe in a God and I do believe that EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
Absolutely nothing is left to coincidence with God. I pray every night and I thank God every night for the life I have been given, while asking him for the strength to continue to live the way he wants me to. I know that he has a plan for me, and a reason for why I am here, at this exact moment, living exactly the way he wants me to.
I can only hope that he continues to bless me with such an amazing ride. I know that some people or things will be lost, and sometimes I don’t fully understand why, but I know one day I will and until then I trust that I will be led the right way.
When they say “Live the life you love, and love the life you live,” I can finally say that that is exactly what I am doing. And I couldn’t be more content than right.now.